Noooooooo!!!

Oh, sorry…

Ooooooooooo!!!

But…but…but…

“What should I do?”

“What do you think you should do?”

“I think I should ask my therapist for advice on what I should do.”

I sit on toilets with the lid down. At that point it’s just a chair.

Hi. Not rich person here. I find him cringe.

Fun fact, the prank calls only lasted the first few seasons because the writters couldn’t think of more prank calls.

Best we can do is $3.50.

What do you MEAN no??? People just don’t want to work these days!!!

I’ve never seen a depressed cat. What’s wrong with that cat, and how many cuddles will it take to…

cuddles the cat

Nevermind. I’m just going for it.

I used to work at a gas station. I’d have to clean the bathrooms once per shift.

The mens bathroom? A couple of wet spots next to the toilet. I always attributed this to the guys who end up getting multiple streams, and don’t know what to do.

The womens bathroom? Look. I know women bleed once a month. I get it. But ladies, what the fuck are you doing in the gas station bathrooms??? Are you having coat hanger abortions??? Is it like a woman thing to all contribute to one communal blood pool? There is no way these nightly horror scenes all came from one person unless they had a recently chopped off limb! Is Freddie Kruger attacking you ladies while you’re pooping? I have never figured out what the womens bathroom experience is, but it has SHATTERED any illusion to me that women are cleaner/neater than men. We may leave dirty laundry around the house for days, but you gals have an exorcism as you toot.

See, this is why everyone says girls don’t poop. They DON’T poop. They disembowel.

I must be doing it wrong. I gave birth to some kidney stones years ago.

Do not reccomend.

Don’t worry. I don’t pee on trees. I pee on my neighbors.

The only thing that would have made the story better is if Jim then tapped Tommys nose, and said “boop!”

Should have used a picture from WCW when he was hollywood hogan as the after photo. Where he’s just spray painting NWO on Miss Elizabeths back.

Because thats what modern day America is trying to do. Establish a new world order.

Or you could have went a different route, and made the before picture hogan smiling with trump back in 1990 at wrestlemania. And then had the after photo be hogan posing with trump in modern day.

Isn’t that wild? How nothing has really changed? The players are still the same. The issues are still the same. Money. Greed. Power. Control. Racism. It’s all the same.

That’s why I’ll never understand why people say “I wonder what George Carlin would say about things now…”

SAME SHIT HE SAID 30 FUCKING YEARS AGO BECAUSE NOTHINGS CHANGED, ASSHOLES!!! He already saw all this shit. He’s heard this song and dance, and made material about the core concept decades ago. The only thing different is now the volume is turned up, and everybody is saying the quiet part out loud.

That cat is soooo fluffy!!! Wanna pet, wanna pet!

…I have no idea what this is referencing. Duckduckgo?

I think he paints half his face and talks in a scottish accient about slaves. Pretty sure Jesus was a Scottish slave.

All they did was unplug it, and plug it back in.

Based on this picture, I’m pretty sure I want to be before linux…

Wha…oh my god. How have I never realized this???

Now if you’l excuse me, I have to make a collect call to my parents. My name is Bob Adababyitzaboi.

“You know, the house next to the one that has that little cunt kid. You know the one. Always leaving his bike on the lawn, and being a real disrespectful little shit if you try to explain it’s gonna get stolen in THIS neighborhood. The house next to that. The white one, not the blue one on the other side.”

Mailman: “Oh. Yeah. I DO know that little fucker. Damn near tripped over his bike when it was covered in snow, and I didn’t know it was there.”